Writing is like cooking, if you spill something, you should make it look like part of the act.
–John Keeble–

Friday, January 8, 2010

Rules - working title

i am in a creative writing class this semester and i want to post some of my writing here so i can get some feed back. this is the first draft so it is kinda rough.
i know i want to add more to the beginning, but i am hard on idea. so tell me what you think.

Rules, I believe to be set up to keep people safe. Sometimes we view rules as guidelines. No matter how they are viewed rules are useful, like giving you an excuse to kick out your roommate’s boyfriend.

Before I go into the story I would like to make an analogy. I like to view like as a quick game of cards. In this game we have each been dealt out a hand of card, the objective is to lay down the cards in a conversation as fast as possible, with in an 8 second time limit.


18 year old roommate # 1 was on the couch with Thinks He is Hot Stuff Boyfriend

Megan and I were sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner.

“So are you guys “sticklers" with the Honor Code?” asked the couch.
With a quick glance at each other we ask “what do you mean?” no one likes being labeled a sticker, but we would bear the title if we had to.

“Well”, making it sound like the most obviously thing in the world, “how do u feel about 5:30?”
“Wow! No, that is way too early.”
“You do realize that the time is getting earlier.”
“Oh, you mean to say how early before we kick you out. No.”
“1 am,” like it was his final offer.
“Yea sure, on Friday nights”
“So you want me out of here right at 12.”
“Yes.” We had crushed their love. We could see it behind their eyes; we were just labeled as the “sticklers”. To save our un-reputations we quickly added, “Well if you were on your way out, then we wouldn’t mind too much. Like if you were watching a movie and there was 15 minutes left, but just because we said that doesn’t mean you can do it tonight.”

The conversation split up to its separate room, and the night flowed into other actives.


The lights were all off when I entered the living room and kitchen. The only light came from the flickering of the snow falling on Christine Daae.
I laughed the “you think you are so smart” ha-ha. I flipped the kitchen light on, adding a yellow glow to the seated couples lighting. “Yea put in a movie, um uh.”
“Don’t worry I will be gone by midnight.”
“Yea, ok.”
“No, seriously I will be gone.”
I filled my cup in the sink, flipped the light off behind me, and closed the hall door.

The back room was filled with activity. Reading, homework, showering, brushing of teeth, the dress apparel was mostly towels and booty shorts. I don’t know if it was the look on my face, the way I closed the door behind me, or the fact that we would all hear the Angle of Music was about to kill Raoul, but being girls we eminently started clicking like chickens. It wasn’t that hard to guess what was going on behind the closed door, but it was still fun to stereotype New Freshmen Roommate #1. As we were gossiping the Clock passed 12 am and continued without our notice.


Swinging the door open, flipping all the lights on, and simply stated to the hypothermic couple on the couch, “you lied to me.” short and simple, but of course I had to rube in the guilt. “I can’t believe you lied. I mean, I trusted you. You promised to leave by mid-night and it is now almost 12:30.”

Slowly stretching and removing his self from the embraces of the couch, I continued the guilt trip. “The movie isn’t even close to being over; we said “if” the movie was almost over. You still have like an hour of this movie. We could all be kicked out of school.”

“I’m not really a student here,” he interrupted, “so I don’t have to follow the Honor Code.”

Just like playing a card game, we had played our worthless cards, slowly building up to our Aces.

“But, we could all still be kicked out. Then you would have to call all my parents, Megan’s and Erin’s parents and explain to them why we can no longer continue our education here at BYU-Idaho. Then you will have to call her parents,” pointing to New Freshman Roommate, “and explain to them why their little girl can no longer attend classes.”

“I’m not going to take responsibility for this,” was the response he laid down before I could continue my play. He stood in the entry with his hand on the door knob. The room was filled by New Freshmen Roommate #2, who had followed me in and New Freshman Roommate #1 exchanging silent words of surprise, anger, and embarrassment. Their silent conversation filled the room better than an elephant.

All of this went on as I quickly decided to solidify my reputation with New Freshmen Roommate 1 and 2. “You would still have to explain to her parents,” indicating towards the couch, “where she has gotten the hickies.” That had done it. He was out of apartment without a “goodnight”. More silence filled the room and I was topic of conversation. “You can follow him if you want.” I told #1. “I don’t care if you are here or not after mid-night. I just don’t want him here. We are all in our P.J.’s and someone just got out of the shower and is only wearing a towel.”
#2 looked as if she was trying to move the sink behind me with her mind power. #1 mumbled a response about the cold and how late it really was.

I left the pair in the living room and returned to the preparations taking place in the bathroom.


  1. Haha, I loved the story! You freakin rock! My favorite parts or phrases:
    -"Asked the couch"
    -Labeling roommates by numbers (although distinguishing them was difficult at times)
    -the "you think you're so smart laugh."
    -the card analogy. I didn't immediately get it, but eventually did. That's such a great, creative, fresh analogy. Definitely outside the box. Very cool.
    -the guilt trip. i love that you knew you were doing it and were completely shameless about it. "you lied to me." haha.
    -good imagery and "showing-not-telling."
    -funny, clever, relatable.

  2. wow, that is quite the story! I think you did a great job