Writing is like cooking, if you spill something, you should make it look like part of the act.
–John Keeble–

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Terrors of McDonalds

so this is part two. read jimmy before this one.
umm i dont know what to say about this part, so tell me what u think.i feel like i am doing a lot of telling and not enough showing.
One morning Jimmy woke up to Mama screaming and Ben’s yelling. He stayed in bed until Liz and Mat woke up, Ruf and Tug had jumped off the bed when the yelling started.
“What, what are they yelling about,” liz asked shaking. She was still young and did understand that Mama Husbands didn’t need excuses to yell. Roy had told him that, before Liz was born.
He crawled out of bed and put his face up to the crack in the door. He could see Mama and Ben, their new father, standing across from each other in the living room. This was the first place Jimmy had lived were the couch pulled out into bed, Mat said they had one when Jimmy was a baby and he slept on it with Mama. The Apartment was small and the Kids got the only bedroom. Mama had told them it was because she wanted then to be out of the way, when the family came over.
Mama was pregnant again, and it was not going to look like Ben, the way Liz did. She had explained this once to Jimmy before, she told him it was because they had different fathers. Ben was their Uncle before Mama decided to marry him, he wondered what Uncle Mama was going to marry next after Ben left. Ben had been their father for a long time now; Jimmy was not going to miss him.
The crack in the door was too small for Jimmy to see what was thrown, but he did hear a loud thud. Mama and Ben had moved out of sight. Jimmy could no longer hear Ben yelling, but Mama had started crying.
Social Worker put the kids in her back seat, mat sat up front. Mama was talking to the police up at the apartment door, she wasn’t looking down at her kids the ice pack hid half her face. Ben was sitting in the Police car that was waiting for Social Worker to leave so they could pull out.
They stopped at the nearest McDonalds. Social Worker said they could get whatever they wanted. Usually, when Mama brought them they only got a hamburger and fries. Mat ordered the Big Mac with extra large coke. Liz got the Barbie Happy Meal that came in a pink box. Jimmy was unsure what he wanted. McDonalds was a special place where Mama brought them without Ben, if she had a lucky week. His favorite was the orange pop they would all share. He wanted to keep that special with Mama, so he ordered the Chicken McNuggets and a Sprite.
After they ate Social Worker allowed them to play in the Play Structure. As they climbed around the colorful tubes Social Worker read a book with a man, whose shirt was ripped, holding a sleeping woman in his arms. They played for a long time.
Jimmy was getting hungry again and wanted to go home. Mat went down and asked Social Worker for more food. She produced three ice cream cones, one for each of them.
“When are we going home?” Jimmy asked.
“Well after this I am talking you to the Normans, where you will spend the night. After that we will see.” Social Worker was true to her word. After the ice cream cones they drove into a part of town Jimmy had never been before. The Houses were close together without wheel or bricks to hold them up, and the yards were all clean. Kids ran around in the yards playing tag, they did not stop to look as the car drove by. They stopped at the blue house.
The Normans were an older couple. Their kids had all grown up and left home. Liz got here own bedroom and the boys shared a room with bunk beds.
They ate dinner in front of the T.V. like at home, but the Normans talked all through the show.
“My dear,” Mrs. Norman would say addressing Liz. “Your hair is beautiful. I wish my hair was so thick and smooth. It must be very easy to take care of. My girl Rose was always curly, we would go and get it straightened by the time she was twelve, because I could no longer deal with the mess it made every morning. She now keeps it curly again, complains that it is unnatural straight, so she keeps it curly. My dear I just can’t get over how beautiful your hair is.” Mr. Norman kept asking the boys sports question, but lost interest because Jim was the only one who was willing to give him answers. Hockey was the only sport they watched at home, and Mr. Norman knew very little about the sport. “It’s not American,” he said.
Jim got the bottom bunk; he wasn’t in the mood to fight Mat for the top. The bed had a light blue comforter with galloping horses, and white sheets that were tucked in at the ends. He spent most of the night staring at the wooded slates above his head. He missed Mama; he also missed Ruf and Tug. He would pull them up onto the bed that he shared with Liz and Mat. He was not use to the blankets that covered the bed so well, or the pillow under his head.


  1. This was really good. I liked the use of Social Worker as a name.

  2. I keep trying to post things, but they won't post. I wrote you an AMAZING critique! I'll tell you about it sometime.